Years ago, I remember an old boyfriend telling me up front ….within the first few months of dating… that “I am a Pleaser.” He told me like it was some kind of identity badge. I was unclear if he was proud of it or just warning me. I took it as a warning and blurted out, “Uh-oh!”
He looked surprised and baffled and said, “What”? So I replied, “Well, if you are a pleaser then that means that you are focused on keeping everyone else happy. And if you are focused on keeping everyone else happy, then that means that you are not as focused on your needs and desires. And if you are not focused on your needs and desires then that means you are neglecting yourself…..which will ultimately get in the way of you actually being able to take care of a family.”
Wow….that was a mouthful….so much so that we both carried on….fell in love and spent the next 3 years of our lives together.
Here’s the thing though….The very thing that I knew at the get go was a major problem ended being in large part the demise of our relationship. Isn’t that so often the case?
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