My friend came to me today to let me know that she could not take on a leadership position that she had volunteered for, and for which I was depending on her. I cannot deny that I was focused for a minute on how it would inconvenience me…..finding someone else to take over…making sure that person was going to follow through…..blah, blah, blah……
Then she shared openly what was going on with her…..with tears of sorrow that she could not fulfill her promises to me and that she had been in terrible physical pain for months……
At that moment I felt only love and concern for her, and was not focused on the previous agenda of getting something (albeit important…) done. I took her hand in mine and encouraged her to let go of the burden she carried of “disappointing” me…..Nothing else mattered but her and her health at that moment.
This happens to all of us during the course of our life. Someone agrees….offers…promises and cannot deliver, for whatever reason, on what we depended on them for. Sometimes it’s downright disrespect or neglect, in which case we can — if we choose to — express disappointment, let go, and move on. In most cases, though, the person meant well when they volunteered, but the unanticipated stuff that happens along the way can get in the way.
So, here’s the thing…..We cannot control the circumstances, but we can choose how to view and respond to them. We can either blame, resent and begrudge . . . or we can accept, let go and wish well. That frees both parties up, and allows you to move to a ‘Plan B’ of resolution and preservation of the relationship while doing so.
The idea of resisting personalizing things, and choosing a mental/emotional/relational state of allowance and acceptance, makes life SO much easier and more joyful. So the next time someone disappoints you, ask yourself how you would like to be understood and treated if the circumstances were reversed. That’s a sure way back to compassion and connection.
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