My beloved & I just arrived this week in SE Asia, where we will be for the next month. Despite the fact that this was a long awaited trip, I hesitated getting on the plane, on the heels of the devastation from the fires in Los Angeles and the hardship it has caused to countless people I care about, along with the thousands of “strangers” I have yet to meet.
I also felt torn because our departure was the day after my doggie Daisy’s 18th birthday! So, in order to press “go” on embracing wonder and joy on this adventure – despite the aforementioned – it required allowing my core beliefs, and faith, to carry me forward.
Here are but a few:
1: Caring does not mean Controlling
Despite the sincere wish to do so, it was not within my power to stop the fires, or to takeaway the suffering. So I focused on what I can do from another state or country: stay informed, listen, hold space, offer support, donate and pray.
My Daisy is in amazingly good health, but given her age she could take a turn at any time. Again, I am keenly aware that I cannot control this either. When it is her time, as sad as it will be for me, it will be so.
2: Caring does not mean getting stuck in all the muck
A therapist I worked with in my twenties said something I’ll never forget & have often shared with my clients: “Sameness isn’t closeness” Meaning…one does not have to have the same experience, or feelings, or point of view to be and stay meaningfully connected. It’s about staying engaged, not enmeshed (a term coined by prominent family therapist Salvador Minuchin, describing the dysfunction that occurs in relationships when boundaries are blurred)
3: Loving detachment:
I have always been a curious seeker of spiritual teachings, across many religions and new thought wisdom traditions. And now, we have now begun our immersion into Buddhist culture and some of its spiritual tenets in SE Asia. One of the most profound Buddhist principles is the concept of loving detachment, which is to acknowledge and be with any thought, feeling, or experience without absorbing it or leaving an emotional residue which causes continual suffering.
When you feel exhausted or overwhelmed with the world’s woes…or feel you are going down the rabbit hole with someone you love…(or shall we say their rabbit hole)…consider being mindful of and practicing the kind of caring for others that lets go of control, internalization, and dependent attachment.
The image here was taken yesterday, of just me and the reclining Buddha of Wat Pho in Bangkok, Thailand…contented and contemplating all of this, and more. He/She/They is one of the largest buddha statues in the world…symbolizing peace and contentment…reclining in the “lion sleep” position.
As we traverse the changing and uncertain tides of these times, may we love loyally and steadfast – like a lion, rest peacefully, and continue to drink from the nectar of our finite life as humans…thru it all.
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